If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
