Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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