Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
organizing the empties. That sober.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
