Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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