there's paper in my vomit.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i dont even know how to be here
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
