Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
