Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
