You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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