I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
