I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
