I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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