Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
