as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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