I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
