Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
