my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
