I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
