Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
