oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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