i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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