All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
