you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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