it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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