yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
