He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
