So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
