Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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