omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
