you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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