You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma