I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.