My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
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at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me