ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.