I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
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You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
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Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course