no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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