Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"