Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
