just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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