I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
