I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize