Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
