your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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