He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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