well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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