Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize