i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
