:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I forgot wine drunk hurts
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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