Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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