I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
