Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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