I CAN MOONWALK!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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