my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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