why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
