Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
