Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
