So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
