just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
