Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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