oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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