Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
