Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
