Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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