I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
