im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
