where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My ass is underappreciated
You were trust falling into bushes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
