Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
