oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
there is glitter all over my balls
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