come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
