I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
