don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
