he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just cropdusted the office
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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