Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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