They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
