They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
