It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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