i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
