dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
