Ambien. No doubt about it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
