Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
