She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
