The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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