well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
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Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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