Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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